


Dangerous Terrain

by LeiasLeftBun



Series: After Endor [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: And violence, F/M, Mental Illness, My Favorites, POSSIBLY VERY TRIGGERING, i use this as my diary, like do not keep reading if it will cause panic attacks for you, lots of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-02 06:32:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10211675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeiasLeftBun/pseuds/LeiasLeftBun
Summary: An unexpected turn of events causes a great deal of stress and anxiety for Leia and Han as they try their best to keep things going the way they have always been. Leia as a politician, Han as a pilot.





	1. Red as Blood

**Author's Note:**

> **Hello!** This is the 2nd full length fanfiction of the After Endor series. This series will be marked with "Part __ of After Endor". Each fanfiction in this series will have ten chapters and one bonus chapter (posted separately). 
> 
> It begins shortly after ROTJ. This one starts immediately after "Home is Wherever I'm with you." Read the others first or this won't make much sense! 
> 
> **Italicized** phrases separate from paragraphs indicate a character's thoughts. It won't always be clear who is thinking them. 
> 
> You can pick whoever you want or think it is. Be free, my wonderful readers. (This mostly means I have forgotten who they originally belonged to, because it fits both character's personalities.) 
> 
> Eight asterisks used in-between paragraphs indicate a time lapse and/or character switch that I thought needed pointed out. I just wanted it to be easier to read and follow. That is also why I always go to new paragraphs often. It works better for beings with ADHD (like me).
> 
> **If** you are bored and want to draw any of these scenes, Go for it! I'd love to see them! I would draw them myself but I lack the skill. Send them to leiasleftbun.tumblr.com and I will post them with credits and a link to you! Or, tag me in the post with them! I can repay you with a gifted fanfic or someone to talk about Star Wars with or my friendship (not that anyone wants that last one lol)
> 
> **As** always, leave a comment if you want a specific content warning. I will add them to the beginning of each applicable chapter. I would hate to be the reason for panic attacks, meltdowns, or even mild discomfort.

**The Next Day**

Han poked Leia gently, a bit concerned about her not being awake at this time of day. "Its 0900. Get up. What are you doing? Leia. This is not like you." Han poked her again, this time more harshly. "Let me sleep, Han. I was up most of the night." 

_Is she having nightmares again? I didn't hear her get up any. I should pay more attention._

"Everything okay?" He asked. She began speaking quickly and without any time allowed for response. "A voice wants something 'rare' from me and its not the crystals I just can't figure it out I want it to leave me alone its got the wrong person!" She pulled the sheets back over her upper body and rolled back over.

_Great. Now she's fucked up her medications..._

"What exactly did the voices say?" He asked, playing along, hoping she would realize how far-fetched her story was. She started to respond quietly and slowly. "That it plans on taking this rare thing from m-" It clicked. She knows what that voice wants.

_**NO.** Nope. It could not be that. I was not wanting that. I did everything in my power to make sure this did not happen. **This is impossible...**_

Han backed out of the way as she sat up. She had almost smacked him right in the forehead with her face. 

_Woah, what the-_

Leia jumped out of bed and ran to the bedroom door, so frantic and upset that her shaky hands and couldn't open it. She started getting frustrated. Han jumped up and ran after her. 

_**DAMN IT, WHY CAN'T I EVER REMEMBER HOW TO USE A DOOR WHEN I AM ANXIOUS?**_

_She is going to hurt herself. She cannot be doing this. IS SHE KICKING THE DOOR?!?_

"What the hell is going on Leia! Stop! Look at me! Those voices can't hurt you." Han grabbed Leia around her chest and pulled her back. She was still scratching, grabbing for, and kicking the door. Tears rolled down her now blotched cheeks. Blood ran from a fresh cut on her foot, speckling the door with bright red as she continued kicking violently, occasionally hitting the door so hard that Han would wince as her body flung into his chest. 

_**I need out. I have to get out. If I run, nothing is real. I surely can escape myself eventually, right?**_

"I need to leave. I have to leave. Let me leave." Leia was repeating over and over again, so quickly that it was hard to understand. "Not in this state, you don't, Sweetheart." Han said, carefully putting her back down on the ground, leaving his arms around her gently. He had hoped this fiasco was over.

_**LET ME GO!**_

Leia took her elbow and rammed it into Han's chest and ran to the powder room, locking the door behind her. 

_Ouuuuch. That's going to leave a bruise... Great. Now she's locked herself in a different room. This is really what I wanted to do today._

He walked over to the powder room door and knocked. "Leia? I won't let anyone hurt you. You are safe here. I am the only one here. Please, open the door." Leia couldn't even hear him through her thoughts. She was frantically looking around the room, tearing things from their places.

_Where are our medical records?Medical records? **I NEED THEM NOW.**_

She flung open the door under the sink and found the safe holding their medical records. She typed in the four-digit code and waited for the click. She grabbed and tore through the papers, tossing things around her.

_My records? Nope. Han's records? Yes._

She flipped through the files. She stared at the now crinkled mess and wanted to die. 

_**Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.** Why would he do this? Was this a trick? He's one of the only people I trust and he betrayed me. I should have never trusted anyone._

She flung everything all over the place, trying to release any bit of anger, anxiety, anything. She scratched and bit at her hands as she sat against the cabinet, flinging her head back hard against the vanity. 

_Nothing is helping-Nothing is helping-I still feel everything make-it-stop... Make it end please just kill-me-now why has this happened why..._

Han could hear the small room being torn apart. He could hear her hitting something. Screaming? "Leia! Please stop! You are going to hurt yourself!" 

_That is it. She has done enough. I swear she never thinks things through. Who would do this?_

He found the spare key under the bed and unlocked the door. He listened. Nothing. 

_Shit. I hope she's okay..._

He slowly opened the door and looked around. Leia was surrounded by everything that was once organized in the powder room. She was sobbing, curled up on a towel. Her hands were bloodied and beginning to bruise.

_Oh my. That's a lot of blood._

Han closed the door behind him and laid down next to her, gently rubbing her back. He could feel her shaking and heard her attempting to hide her crying.

"You should go, Han. You are not the person I want to be talking to right now." She wiped her tears away with her hands, only causing her face to become bloodied as well.

"Leia? Sweetheart? Look at me. You have to tell me what is wrong, okay?" Han calmly said in a whisper, not wishing to add any fuel to the fire. This only made her more upset. She began crying again, half hiding her face. "You-fucking-lied-to-me-Han." Leia bit out in between sobs, clutching even tighter to the white towel as the blood slowly trickled from her hands. 

Han stared at her, watching as she grabbed around for something.


	2. Destruction

**No Time Has Passed**

What in the world are you talking about, Leia?" Han asked, still rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her. Leia handed him a document, now tear-stained and rather crumpled. He looked down at it, flattening it out a bit to make it legible. Whatever it was, it had upset her beyond belief. 

_What is this? Medical records? Why is she so worked up about these? **Oh. Oh no. The shot expired months ago. She thinks I have lied to her! I knew nothing of this!**_

"Leia? I had no idea it expired so quickly. I was told a year and I took the nurse's word. I'll go get the shot today." He responded, as calmly as possible. "It was not intentional, Leia. I know how you feel about this and I would never lie about it."

_See, Leia. He meant nothing by it. But this changes barely anything. **Gods, he is infuriating.** It is too late._

Leia was still sobbing. Han continued rubbing her back. "Leia, we used other protection every single time I can think of. Come here." Leia remained in fetal position on the now slightly bloodied towel. 

_Stupid, Stupid, Stupid man._

Han let her rest her head on his lap. She still refused to release the towel, which, at this point, was tie-dyed in red. The sight of it made Han very uncomfortable, not that he wasn't used to seeing blood. He just hated seeing Leia injured.

Leia still had tears running down her cheeks. "How-could-I-let-this-happen." She began sobbing again. "I-ruined-every-thing!"

"Leia, once again, we used other protection the whole time we have been together. Let's go back to the bed. It'll be more comfortable-" Han picked Leia up off of him and carried her to the bed. "No, we didn't." She was just being argumentative at this point. 

"What are the chances of that one time causing a pregnancy?" Han looked over and saw Leia's blood red and blotched face. "Okay. I see that this way is not working. I will go get tests." 

_Honestly, anything in the galaxy that stops this crying. I'd prefer the angry Leia over this. It is so upsetting when she cries._

********

"Leia? Are you okay? May I come in?" Han asked, only to receive no response at all. He opened the door and Leia was right back on the floor, face down on the towels. He sighed. "Leia, please take the tests..." He calmly reminded her. She didn't respond. 

Han looked on the counter and saw that she had taken them. He stared at them, making sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. 

_Now, I have really fucked up. How does one respond to such a thing?_

He laid down next to her again, rubbing her back.

"I am so sorry, Leia." She looked over at him. She could feel it was genuine. It didn't make any of it hurt any less. "I know." She stood up, making Han quickly move back. "I have to get ready for work." She stripped her clothing and took a quick shower. She wrapped her hands sloppily and left, slamming the door behind her.

_You can't fix this with a half-assed apology, Han. Fuck you, dude. And not literally._

Han watched her go and then left himself. He busied himself at the hangar with anything he could find to work on. He wanted nothing more than to make things right. She, evidently, had extremely strong feelings about the matter. He thought about it, figuring out why. 

_Vader. She doesn't want a child with her genes because of him._

********

_I shouldn't have reacted that way. Just... Part of me thought it to be impossible. I was tortured so much? How? Unwanted. Scary. We just... aren't in a stable time in the galaxy. I don't want someone like Vader out there because of me._

She sat in her office and stared blankly at a datapad. Some new requests for trips. Senators sending her messages. It all jumbled together. She was too distracted for this. Her mind wandered. It wasn't the usual nightmarish remembering of deaths and tortures, though. It was something sweet. Something that made her smile.

Han, still sleeping in the mornings when she wandered back to bed from any nightmares. His fluffy hair a mess, his scowl gone. Soft. With a tiny grin on his face. She saw visions of how he reacted each time she was injured, unconscious, having a panic attack, and even some from after times she had yelled at him. He was always worried and trying to fix it. 

_Han. I don't deserve him. If he truly feels that strongly about my wellbeing, he would do the same for his own child. We will be okay. We couldn't raise a child to be that evil. I am too paranoid sometimes._


	3. The Damage

**That Evening**

Han got home early. He walked through the bedroom and sighed. The powder room, if he remembered this morning correctly, was trashed. He slowly opened the door and stepped in.

_Holy shit, Leia._

The cabinet door was off, every soap bottle was scattered about, confidential papers were everywhere. Towels were unfolded and draping off of everything. Medication vials were in the sink, on the floor, even in the refresher. Droplets of blood randomly dotted the room, some of which were still wet from Leia not even bothering to dry off in the shower. 

He walked towards the refresher, stepping in a puddle of water on the way. Leia's blood droplets swirled in the wake. 

_This is too much for me right now. This was not a normal human reaction. She is terrifying._

Overwhelmed, he turned to the bedroom. Not as bad. The bed needed fresh sheets, as just a small amount of blood had been wiped there from when he carried her back to their room. He turned to grab some new sheets from the living room, but stopped as he caught a glance at the inside of the bedroom door.

_Wait... Did she really do that much damage to our door? Damn. That is a lot of scratches. There is even blood! She has literally scratched through the paint! The wood is splintered! Covered in imprints the shape of her heels! Why?!? How? Not today. Not-to-day._

He lifted his shirt to see if the spot had bruised. It had. There was too much force involved in this morning. Too much of both kinds. He turned back to the powder room and started picking up and organizing in there, ignoring the bedroom door for now.

He fixed the cabinet door, which had luckily just been loose when she ripped it off. He realized the marks on her hands were most likely self-inflicted, as no wood was splintered. He winced a bit thinking of ways she could have caused herself to bleed that much. 

_Razors? Nails from the cabinet? Some weird force thing? Something about pain making you stronger?_

He picked up all the records, flattened the ones he could, and placed them all back in the safe before locking it. He put all the soaps back in the refresher, wiping off any bloody fingerprints she had left behind throwing them. All the towels were folded back up and put under the sink, except the bloody one. That went into some icy water to soak. He counted her medications to make sure he had found all of them, putting back any pills that busted out of the vials. He lined them back up on the vanity.

He wandered back to the bedroom, staring at the door. He decided that it was going to have to wait. He couldn't paint over the scratches and splintering. It would be obvious that something had happened. He heard Leia come through the front door, home early. "Han? I'm very sor-" She stopped, staring at the bedroom door. Her face went pale. "Was that all from me?"

_No. I have to watch myself. I'll turn into Vader like this!_

"Yeah, princess. I'm pretty impressed. Right through the paint. Can't fix it at the moment, but the refresher and powder room are clean!" Han shrugged. "I am very sorry, Han. I have no excuse. I should not have done any of those things. You really deserve a better partner." 

_YOU WERE A VERY BAD LEIA TODAY. BAD. YOUR THERAPIST WILL BE UPSET NEXT APPOINTMENT. BAD. LUKE WILL BE UPSET. YOU HAVE UPSET GENTLE LUKE!_

"Leia..." He couldn't find anything to respond. Yeah, no way in hell it should have happened. No way in hell should it ever happen again. "Apology accepted. I love you. Let me properly take care of your injuries." Leia stared at her hands, embarrassed. 

Although, almost everything she has ever done while having a panic attack has been embarrassing. Nothing new. She sighed and knew that if she didn't allow him to wrap up the wounds, he would follow her the rest of the day. 

"Fine, Han." She sat on the bed. Han held her hands and stared at her purplish and scabbed skin, now realizing that most of the spots were small, deep puncture wounds. Leia watched as Han's eyes widened. "Leia. What did you do?!" She looked away. "Han. I bit myself. On purpose, a lot. Don't enjoy being questioned. Let's forget this whole thing happened."

"It is okay, Leia. I just wanted to make sure no foreign objects were in the wounds. I didn't mean for it to sound like that." He explained. He carefully put bacta and bandages on each wound. He looked up at her. "Foot, Leia." She sighed and kicked her boot off. He had to pull the splinter out, she had just kept it in and allowed it to bleed all day. 

_Why_

"Please, Leia. This is upsetting." 

She stared at him. He was that softie version of himself right now. The one only Leia saw. The one only _hurt_ Leia saw. It could guilt trip her into anything. "I am very sorry about this morning. I overreacted." He kissed her and snuggled into the bed beside her. "I know. I'll support whatever you decide to do about this. Unless it involves more self-harm and beating me up." 

"I HURT YOU? HAN NO LET ME SEE I DID NOT EVER MEAN TO DO SUCH A THING PLEASE-" She sat up and looked over at him. He sat up and pulled his shirt up. There was a huge bruise on the right side of his chest, purplish and ringed. Leia gasped. She teared up. "I am so so sorry I would never hurt you like that on purpose! Let me put some bacta on it." 

She put it on the bruise and wiped her hands on the sheets. "Thank you, Princess. Those were clean sheets, though." He pulled his shirt down and laid down, pulling Leia down too. "Good night, hotshot. I won't murder you tonight." She smiled.

She stared at the ceiling as Han fell asleep beside her. What could she do at this point? Every single choice involved a great deal of physical and emotional pain. Pain that she had already had enough of. She carefully analyzed each in her head. She quickly ruled out adoption. 

_Too risky. Force sensitive beings tend to get a bit... violent if left untrained. Or trained too late. Or if trained..._

She thought of abortion. Logical choice. Raising a child. Logical choice. She'd just have to talk it over with a doctor tomorrow.


	4. Choices

**The Next Day**

"Yes, Miss Organa. Those tests revealed the same as ours. Do you want to continue the discussion we had earlier?" The doctor asked Leia, who was now sitting on the exam table. "Whatever you pick, I will take care of your next appointments today." Leia sighed, deeply contemplating her options.

_This is just a bad place to be in. I... want to go for it. I can't let irrational fears make choices for me._

"I think I will continue with the pregnancy." She finally said aloud, hoping that this would help her heal from her losses more than anything else. More family was good, right? She had lost all of them, except the ones she met after the fact. This baby would be loved by her and two wonderful men. 

"Okay, Leia. Congratulations!" The doctor handed her some pamphlets and looked at her datapad. "You are on three antipsychotics, correct?" Leia looked up. "Yes, I am." Leia stared at the doctor, confused as to why she had brought them up again. "You should not take them during the rest of the pregnancy. Will this be okay?"

_Wait, what? She is taking my medications away? This is a very bad idea. Bad. Leia. Bad. Don't you dare agree to-_

"Yes, that will be fine." She smiled at the woman whose facial expression remained one of pure happiness. Leia kept her face the same as the doctor turned around to type something up. Inside, she was fighting with herself.

_You damn well know the therapist warned you about stopping your medications. You don't properly produce the right amounts of many che- You know what, I don't even know why you keep me around. You never listen to me! Why am I even HERE?_

_It is because I am stuck with you. Let me do as I please, you stupid- what do I even refer to you as... You will soon be shut up. Just you wait until the medications wear off. I will be the alpha! Nothing-but-bliss and glitter and brightness!_

_Yeah, unless you-know-who shows up. What do you call her? Dani? I am sure you have missed her!_

_Wait... what? I told her to fuck off. Bam. Not going to be a problem. She knows not to show her goddamn face around here. Not after what she did to me last time. Took months to fix that shit up._

_Leia, the appointment is over. Leave. Take the packet she is handing you and leave._

********

Han had shipments and had already left a message for Leia on the holo. He was going to be late. That freaking ship never ran correctly. Always something to fix. In the message, whooshes of smoke filled the cockpit. Probably the hyperdrive. Again.

_Why do I continue riding in that dangerous hunk of junk? It is rough, randomly looses gravity, filled with highly flammable fuels, illegal modifications, illegal weaponry... I was going somewhere with this._

Leia was now looking over some paperwork for her next trip. The pages filled the whole table and were a welcome distraction. Nobody used paper anymore. Except her. The datapad distracted her. If she didn't print things out, she'd be looking up ways to rig elaborate traps for Han to fall into. Her favorite so far was the net in the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator door and was swooped up. 

Han did not find it as amusing. He always found a way to get revenge, though. Dumping ice on her in the refresher was a common one. Pulling her asleep on their mattress to her office in the middle of the night was another. It impressed her more than anything. 

_Nobody even questions us anymore. He can literally drag my body through the complex on a mattress at 0300, use my palm to get into my office and leave me there. Those medications are wonderful. I will moss those._

She put the papers down. She was distracted anyway. Not a time to be planning revenge for the revenge that was revenge for your revenge to his revenge to a weird play fight that you started. Work time. She looked over at the packet that the doctor handed her. She never even asked what was in it!

_Open it, Leia. I know you want to. Finish the paperwork later. You should really read it. Do it. Do it, Leia._

_Yes, I will. Good idea!_

She grabbed the packet and went back to the bed. The manilla envelope had only her name in big aurebesh letters across the outside, making its contents unknown to anyone who just so happened to pass her on the way back to the apartment. The doctor was thoughtful like that. She dumped it out on the comforter and stared at it before picking it up.

She started reading aloud quietly. Leia Organa-Solo. Age 25. 

_Shit, Leia. Skip this. You know this stuff. Gods help you if you ever forget it. Go to the new stuff._

Visit today revealed a healthy pregnancy. It is estimated at 7 weeks. 

Please follow any special guidelines listed on the following page and continue coming in for appointments. 

Patient has been given approval to wean herself off of antipsychotics via instructions listed below. Failure to do so may cause withdrawal in the infant, low birth weight...

Failure to slowly wean off of medications may cause serious side effects such as...

_I will not "wean off" of them. I will just stop them. Probably caused enough damage already. Fuck it. You heard the paper. No more medications._

_Wait, think things through, first off you can't hear a paper, seco-_

_Shut up! Zip it! Nobody gives a fuck what you have to say, Ollie. Good riddance. Hello, happiness. Me. Hallie. Pure bliss. It is about damn time, too. Life was getting boring._

Leia walked to the refresher and dumped the pills into an old shampoo bottle and hid them in the ceiling. She'd forget where they were in a few hours, or, minimally, would be unable to reach them again without a chair. Han did not have to know, she did not have to think about it. She put the vials under the sink so Han wouldn't notice they were empty.

********

Han finally arrived back home. It was almost midnight.

Leia was reading a novel on the couch, waiting up for him. "Sorry about being late again..." Leia seized up as he sat on her legs. She squirmed a bit but couldn't break free.

She began smacking Han with the hardback novel and he jumped up. He turned around and realized he had sat on her legs. "Sorry, Leia. I didn't know your legs were under that part of the blanket." He apologized profusely while rubbing his arm, trying to diffuse the pain. "Great. Now I've lost my place." She sighed and put the book down.

_Someone is still very upset... Or maybe newly upset about me sitting on her legs._

"How was your shipment today?" She asked, in a semi-agitated voice. Her legs were now laying over Han's lap. "Normal...do you want to talk, Leia?" She sighed and grabbed part of the paperwork from the end-table behind her. "Not really. I stopped by the doctor today. Just to make sure." She handed him the packet, without the page mentioning her medications attached.

"Huh." He tried to sound calm as he flipped through, reading silently. Leia could feel his emotions, though. Although he was his normal grumbly self on the outside, she knew he felt excited. Happy. His heart was racing. He was hiding a smile. "It is fine, Han. I decided to go for it." She grinned and tilted her head a bit, sounding a bit sarcastic. 

Han's eyes lit up. His heart beat even stronger. He hadn't thought he would ever have children. His own childhood was awful. He was going to make sure this didn't happen to his child. Leia listened to his thoughts, just because she could tell he was feeling some strong emotions.

_Daww... he loves me. Listen to the cute thoughts he is having! That scruffy-looking softie..._

_...this is am... wait. Why isn't Leia talking any more? Are you listening to my thoughts again? Leia, I am serious. Answer me._

"Maybe. I'm rather flattered by them, hotshot." She answered, looking up at him. "You listen to them often?" He asked, genuinely curious. "Only when we are sharing something that I feel to be important. You have a lot of flattering thoughts while we are-" 

"Leia. Organa. Do not finish that sentence or I will die of embarrassment. I can't help what I think!" Han quickly responded, really not wanting to hear the next two words. He would rather not have such a thing confirmed. She laughed at his flushed face and got up to go to bed. Han reread the paperwork a few times, letting it soak in.


	5. Twitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning:
> 
> Small amounts of gendered language in the dream paragraphs.

**One Week Later**

Leia was incredibly itchy and had scratched until blotched rashes appeared on her arms. Her body twitched at random intervals, causing her to occasionally butcher her signature on documents. It frustrated her greatly to see crisp legal papers destroyed by her handwriting. She gave up on that rather quickly. 

Instead, She stared at a datapad, deleting old information from it. They needed to reuse as many things as possible to save money. It was busy work. A slow day. Dreadfully. It was making her energy build up.

_I need to run. I feel like... like screaming. Happy screaming? Energy. Bright! Pretty! Happy flapping!_

She was shaking her leg, just because flapping was not the best idea when holding electronics. Especially if they aren't yours. That wasn't enough. She swung her legs repeatedly into the metal barrier covering the front, loving the echo and the feeling and absolutely everything else about it. This would work. She let the bright electric feeling run through her body happily. 

Threepio entered her office, causing her to jolt hard enough to hit her knee under the desk. It concerned her a bit that she hadn't even been in the real world enough to hear his clinking walk. She only noticed him because she caught a glimpse of gold out of the corner of her eye.

_Great. Just what I needed. That fucking droid destroying my mood._

"Are you okay, Princess?" Threepio asked, bringing in more old datapads for reset. "Yes, Threepio, I am fine." She responded, nodding for him to close the door behind him. Her hitting the desk was very loud and would definitely cause someone to reprimand her. "Now that the door is closed, Princess, might I say that you are scaring me. In humans, sudden beha-" Leia sighed loudly enough for him to stop talking.

_He needs to step off my case. How dare he..._

She hit the desk harder with her feet, hoping to drown out any further lesson he dared give her. "Now Princess, I am only trying to explain that you may be-" She pointed to the door. "Please go now." He walked away, saying what tended to be his go-to for explaining both her and Han: "I just don't understand human behavior sometimes."

_GET OUT, GOLDENROD. I DO NOT NEED ANYONE RAINING ON MY HAPPINESS PARADE._

Mon walked in, almost running into him. "Leia, I have scheduled a call for tomorrow. Make it a priority." Mon brought her in some information on the topics for the call. "I will. I can get here early and do all my paperwork before." Leia responded. 

She could feel blood trickling down her left arm from a rash she too violently scratched. Her arm was hidden under the desk, so instead of waving bye to Mon and revealing bloody marks, she nodded as Mon left. Leia then locked up her office and left.

_I am going to miss that desk very much until tomorrow. Echo! Very fun. Loud. Happy._

Leia got into the apartment and took the dress off, letting it fall to the living room floor. She covered the spot in bacta and put on pajamas. 

_Should probably ask about dinner. I did not grab anything on the way back..._

She called Han, hoping he would grab something. "Leia? Did something happen? I knew- " Han began sighing. He ran his hand through his hair. "Han, I am fine. I just wanted to know what we were having for dinner." Leia smiled. "And by that, I mean pick up food." He grinned and didn't even answer, he just winked and turned the holocron off. 

********

"So, are you still wanting to go on a trip with me? The next big one is in a month. I have to drop off a shipment on Coruscant. I don't know what it is yet, but they say it will be well worth the payment." Han asked. "I'd love to!" Leia responded. She was brushing her teeth and... bouncing? Yes, bouncing on the balls of her feet and humming something. Some old song about... something. He didn't recognize it. 

Han watched as she put the toothbrush and toothpaste away. She screeched, flapping her hands. Leia ran into the bedroom and jumped onto the bed. She quickly crawled up to her spot beside Han. He could feel her shaking slightly. He had seen the bloody marks on her dress in the living room. Nothing was adding up. He grumbled a bit and laid against the headboard. 

_Too fucking happy for someone with bleeding arms. What has she done this time... god her pupils are huge._

Han kissed her head as rolled herself up in a blanket. She began talking about something he couldn't understand. Something she had read and loved. She just kept talking. Talking in a loud whisper, until falling asleep. 

_What was in her kaffe this morning? I need to get me some of it! Never have I seen such a hyper human being before. I might be able to fix everything wrong with the ship in one day like that. She is still shaking!_

He rolled over, keeping a bit of a distance from the shaking. He wanted none of that energy while needing to sleep.

********

"You know what I am here for, Organa." 

_Damn it. That deep voice is back._

"Yes, I do. But you will not get it. Not now, not ever." She responded, standing stoically in the dark and foggy room. She still bounced a bit, rocking back and forth onto her toes. "Such confidence from such a small and worthless being. I can crush you like a bug, Princess." It mocked her, its voice echoing in the darkness. She was still unable to tell from where or what it was coming from. 

"But you won't, because I have something you want. Something only two people in the galaxy have the ability to create. Destroy me and you destroy it." She remained happy and unafraid. 

"That is a pointless argument, for more than force-sensitive people can produce a child strong with the force. I just know your offspring will be the strongest. You ARE a grandchild of the force itself. As for your brother, he seems to be gay. The sooner we get one of your family on our side the quicker we can crush your little government. But, if I have to, I can destroy you so that you may not bring anyone force-sensitive into the New Republic." 

_How can respond to that? First off, it was way too much information. Second, I will not give him this child. Third, yeah, probably. Maybe bisexual? Like Han? Leia, it does not matter right now... you are in the middle of talking to someone who wants you dead. Lastly, good luck killing me. I'm immortal! Everyone knows Leia Organa is immortal!_

"How about you just fuck off. I will never give you this child." She yelled, her voice echoing back through the room. She stopped rocking to make obscene gestures in the direction the voice seemed to be originating from.

"I see, Organa. Wonderful manners. Truly royalty. I will make sure that both you and the child are killed. I will also kill your little lover, oh, whats-his-name?" Leia sighed. "Han? Yeah, he is just beyond terrified of you." She grinned and began practically bouncing again, completely killing the violent mood set by the voice. 

"You really piss me off, Princess. I will be extremely happy to kill you." The voice responded. "This is getting ridiculous. Can I get some actual sleep now?" Leia groaned as she pulled a loose thread from her pajamas. Frustration filled her whole body as she suddenly realized how sleepy she now was. "As you wish. I'd be watching your back, though."

The nightmarish vision ended abruptly after, meaning Han had noticed and grabbed her. 

_I hate when people know I am having a nightmare. But, I am thankful that he caused it to end._

She sighed and let herself truly rest.


	6. I Have a Bad Feeling About This...

_One Month Later_

"Okay, I was told the crew loaded the shipment into cargo hold last night. Are you ready?" Han asked Leia, who was already in the co-pilot's seat. The trip would only take a few hours and they were both ready to get off this planet for a while. "Yes, General Solo. I await your command to commence the-wait... um... buttons. To start pressing the buttons that make the ship move." 

He laughed and looked over at her. "Leia, you know what it is called. Go for it, Princess." She hit the buttons and flipped the switches and listened to the ship come to life. It took a bit of percussive maintenance for it to stay that way, but Leia took care of it. She loved kicking things lately. It was truly freeing to know that no harm would be caused by her kicking the Falcon.

_This feels different... Something feels off... This is not going to end well... Maybe I am just imagining things._

The rest of the trip she spent telling herself _not_ to tell Han that she felt danger. It would only lead to some sort of medication check, some weird look, or worse- him turning around and messing up his shipment for her.

********

Han landed the Falcon onto the only flat section of ground available for what seemed to be eternity. Clouds of dust bellowed in the wake, making it difficult to see. This was not what they had expected any part of Coruscant to look like. 

Before Han even had time to tell her where the shipment would be in the Falcon, Leia had already gotten down into the cargo hold. "Wait a minute... this isn't spice, is it?" Leia yelled up to Han as she held up a carefully clear-wrapped brick of red-brown powder. Han looked down at her. It sure was. Not even hidden in a dark wrap or anything.

_Oh, shit. Han Solo, you knew better than to take an unmarked shipment. You were a smuggler. You knew it had to be something bad. You brought Leia, though. Wait... **You brought Leia, Han. You brought your pregnant wife with you to deliver drugs to god knows who. There is no way in hell she will listen to "stay in the ship, sweetheart!" Or "I think it would be a great idea if you were to stay here, just because I want someone watching the ship."**_

"So?" Leia asked, pulling herself out of the hold after tossing up the spice to the floor above her. "We just have to be very careful. We've done things like this hundreds of times. Do you have your lightsaber? I have my blaster." Han replied. "Of course, Han. I haven't left it since the day I made it."

_This is not good. I have a bad feeling about this._

They hauled the spice through the dilapidated dirt town in a backpack slung over Leia's shoulders. It looked and felt more like Tatooine than Coruscant. The streets were empty. Not a bit of chatter filled the air, other than Han trying to take the backpack from Leia every so often.

_Why is it so dusty? Isn't this a temperate planet? Why did I grab the backpack? My back was killing me before, now it hurts like I've been ran over by a speeder. I can't let Han know that though. He gets too upset about that stuff. Turns into a big softie and coddles me._

They were passing an alleyway when Leia felt someone's presence. Not only was it the first being she had sensed all day other than Han, it was the first being she had sensed in a while that wanted her _dead_. She had no time to react, not even to warn Han. 

In a split second, Leia's ears were ringing violently. She was on the ground. Han was beside her. Shots were being fired at Han. He jumped up and began shooting back. Leia activated her lightsaber and began blocking the majority of the enemy fire. Han looked around to see if other enemies were gathering.

_It is the voice. If it were to be a gang member, I have the spice so they would be aiming for me. Fuck, whatever they used to disorient us earlier is still lingering a bit._

One stray blast made it through and hit Han in the abdomen as he turned around. He fell backwards into the dirt. Now, the person was shooting at Leia. She looked over at Han again, her eyes wide.

_What-? Ah fuck, I was shot. What is she doing? Please don't. I can't move. She is going to get herself killed right in front of me!_

He tried to speak. Move. Communicate. He looked over at her. She was still looking at him. Red faced, covered in dirt, and her shirt clung up against her in the wind, revealing a small bump. She looked the way she often looked when insulted. 

_Well, knowing that look, it is too late now. She is pissed. Someone's going to die. Let's just hope it isn't us._

It almost brought a smile to his face to see the look of determination upon her face. Strength.

As she watched the blood soak through his white shirt, she felt a surge of anger. She could hear Luke's voice.

_'Hate and anger are tools of the dark side, Leia.'_

_No, fuck that. That asshole who hurt Han will die. They will die. Right. Now._

Running through the empty dirt street with her lightsaber activated, she advanced on the person. She was blocking each shot, none of the blasts even grazing her now-dirtied and blushed pale skin. Even of they had, it was doubtful that it would even slow her down. She was completely focused on the person's face.

_Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and did I mention... fuck you? Who the fuck do you think you are showing up shooting my husband-_

Without knowing what came over her, she force-flipped over the man and decapitated him as she landed. Not even a drop of blood ran from his neck. Perfectly cauterized from the bright purple blade. 

_How impressive! How satisfying! How... disturbing? Leia, you just killed that guy. He has no head anymore. Oh-my-god he has no head!_

She stood there in silence, the lightsaber lightly humming. Pain ran up her spine, made even more excruciating from the rough landing. Ignoring it, she deactivated her lightsaber and ran to Han as fast as she could without collapsing under the pain.

He was now face down in the dirt and blood pooled slowly around his midsection, soaking Leia's pants and Han's white shirt. She rolled him over, dying her white tank a soaked red mess. "Han! Can you hear me?" Her voice cracked, leading into a quiet cry. 

_Fuuuuuck. Why. Did. I. Let. This. Happen. I should have let that guy go and taken care of Han immediately._

She ripped his shirt off and began using water from her canteen to clean and check the wound. It was only a single wound, but the blaster must have hit a major artery. She had nothing to slow the bleeding except his clothes, so she wrapped the wound tightly with the shirt.


	7. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia now has to find a way to care for Han in his injured state, alone.

**No Time Has Passed**

The sudden realization had scared her. She was totally alone out here, pregnant, with her dying lover. Completely alone to figure this equation out. To save his life. To not end her own in doing so. 

_Okay. Bleeding has slowed greatly. He is unconscious. Okay, Leia, think..._

She stood up too quickly and felt the pain in her back increase, focusing itself on her tailbone. She saw her eyesight darken for a moment. Three bad decisions had caused this. Two of which were in the last hour. Why not make it four?

_Okay, get him back to the ship. He definitely restocked the medbay before this trip, knowing that I was going with him._

She spotted a little wagon in the alley. She rolled the wagon over and tilted it on its side, gently holding Han in it before tilting it up again. It hurt like hell. She had never quite realized how heavy he was until now. 

_We are going to die. I shouldn't be straining myself at all, I am dehydrated, and I am essentially alone._

She sighed and moved on, the wagon squeakily rolling through the town as quickly as she could pull it. He wasn't all that heavy to roll around, thankfully. It was just difficult for her to stay conscious due to the extreme heat and humidity. 

Leia mumbled, almost as if she were speaking to her husband. Beads of sweat rolled from her hairline and into her vision, causing her to have to stop. She used a bit of Han's bloodied and ripped shirt as a headband, hoping that it would soak any more sweat up before getting to her forehead. 

She made the trip to the falcon and pulled the wagon up the ramp panting. She kicked the controls to close it and got to work. 

She rolled Han to the medbay and stripped him of everything but his boxers. Not a single scratch would be allowed to stay. She wanted to fix all of it, starting with the most life-threatening of injuries. 

She sterilized the main wound, numbed it, and cauterized the vessels that were still bleeding very carefully. She gave him stitches and put a pressure wrap on it, just in case it were to bleed when he rolled over. She examined the rest of his body multiple times, not wanting to miss any other possible injuries.

Only a few scratches and bruises, thankfully. She put bacta patches on the scratches and began hooking him up to different machines to track his vitals. 

She started with the pulse oximeter, wrapping sticky medical tape around his ring finger to prevent him from losing it should he roll over. She froze. His nail was an icy blue. His hand was cool to the touch. 

_I have failed... I didn't stop the bleeding in enough time..._

She began to cry but quickly regained her focus when she realized that there had to be a solution to this problem. There had to be some way to save him. 

His body was not getting proper oxygenation. She knew that meant that brain damage would occur rather quickly, that his body would begin to shut down. He needed more blood, and fast. 

_Does he have any markings of what his blood type even is!?! There is not even any blood on this ship! If there was... where would it be?_

She rapidly threw things out of a cabinet, nicking her finger. She put the finger in her mouth to stop the pain and tasted blood.

_Blood! I have blood! I have O Negative blood! Yes!!!_

She hooked him up to a saline solution and gave him some dopamine, in the hopes of raising his blood pressure and hydrating him. She sanitized her arm and slowly began drawing her blood, letting it gather in a liter-sized iv bag. 

_This is less than ideal. Oh god, it is making me lightheaded. Come on, Leia. You see blood all the time. You are covered in it right now. This should be no different. Why does this feel so different?_

She put a small piece of gauze on her arm, held on by some medical tape. She hooked up the blood in place of the saline, gently switching the lines. After it all got through the IV, His vitals were made much better and from the looks of the readouts, he had no lasting damage to any organs. 

Leia calmly bounced up and down, soundlessly clapping at the beginning of his recovery. She had done it!

_Yes! He is okay! Woah..._

Leia swayed a bit. Her vision darkened at the edges once more. 

_Why am I still so faint? I drank some water from the canteen while I drew my blood, I ate breakfast..._

It hit her like a ton of bricks. She had made a mistake. An absolutely huge mistake. A mistake Han would be especially nervous about. 

_Fuck._

Her vision went dark and her legs gave out. A mix of heat stroke, blood loss, and dehydration all made more intense by the pregnancy. She hit the floor with a thud, rendering herself unconscious for the time being. 

( _ **BONUS FIC TWO:DREAMLAND** fits into the storyline here!_ )

********

_What is all of this?_

Han unhooked the monitors and swung his legs over the edge of the bunk. He felt something graze his foot. Something soft. Familiar. Tangled. Leia's hair? He looked down and saw her on her back, sprawled out like a starfish. 

_What's Leia doing sleeping on the floor?_

He looked up, checking out all of the things he had recently been attached to. Monitors, mostly. One thing in particular caught his eye. An IV bag, now containing only drops of a red liquid. 

_What is that empty blood bag doing hanging up? I don't even carry blood on the Falcon._

He carefully stood up and felt pain run through his abdomen. He looked down and saw the pressure wrap. 

_Ahh, I remember. I was shot. Someone- Leia._

He flinched knowing the risks she would have taken to save him. He hoped she hadn't taken any of them. He walked over and saw gauze on her arm. He rolled her over gently. 

A dark bruise ran around her tailbone and up a few inches. The back of her head had a raised bump, as if she had hit something hard. He began to panic. She had literally taken every single risk. 

_She should not have done any of this- doesn't she know that she needs more blood at this time? She caused herself to collapse! What if she has caused herself brain damage? This is not good, she is injured. What if-_

He started to tear up. Leia woke up and stared at him, her face blotched and eyes shot from another nightmare. "I can hear your thoughts without even trying, Han... Get me some morphine and I'll get up." Han looked down at her. "Leia, I-" 

"Han, Shot of morphine. Now." She winced rolling over, ready to find some herself. "Stop. I will get it." He grabbed some, got the air bubbles out, and found a good vein. It only took a minute for her to relax. "Thank you, Han."

_Thank god for morphine. That landing after the flip was a little bit too harsh. I thought I had cracked my spine..._

"You need to rest, Leia." Han pointed towards their room. "No, I can still copilot- I'll just strap in." She responded, slightly slurred. "If you fall, Princess, you know I will pick you up. You wouldn't want to be the reason my stitches bust, would you?" 

"I won't fall then." She grinned, tilting her head towards him as she strapped into her harness. "Hardheaded-" Han didn't finish. He just sighed and started the flight back to Chandrila.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the tiny hiatus. I was actually writing the whole time, I just kept editing the chapters I was supposed to be posting and I finally just posted it so I wouldn't edit it any longer. 
> 
> For the sake of this chapter of fanfiction, underwear exists in space (I know, the risk of suffocation via bra is high. There can't be underwear in space!). The next chapters will be back to their underwear-free fun (in every way you could have understood that last bit ;)


	8. Enzymes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia and Han arrive back on Chandrila after a stressful spice delivery.

**The Next Day**

They landed and walked back to the apartment, the both of them disheveled. Blood, dirt, and bruises covered the majority of their bodies. Their eyes glimmered in the faint morning light, the only things still able to have any shine to them. 

Neither of them had ever been quite so thankful for the person walking next to them. 

The person who saved them. Correction- The person who saved them _again_. 

The glare that had been blocking their view suddenly disappeared, leaving them a clear view of the streets and sidewalk ahead. Leia braced herself, anticipating the normal crowds to swarm them, begging for answers to all the blood and dirt. 

Not a single soul was visible. Almost complete silence, only the faint sound of Han's boots against the concrete. Leia listened to the repetitive and familiar movements, letting herself relax. She took a hold of Han's hand and pulled him in gently for a side hug. 

It was a mistake, it hurt the both of them rather intensely. "Sorry. It seemed like the right thing to do, I just. I got caught up in the moment." Leia whispered. Han opened the doors to their building. 

He stopped immediately once inside, distracted by Leia's dark eyes reflecting the sunrise. His heart raced and a small grin ran across his dirtied face. "Han? Why did you stop he-" 

He gently lifted her chin and kissed her, weaving his hands into her tangled mess of hair, slowly moving his way down her body, stopping on her abdomen. Leia's whole body warmed as her normal tone seemed to return. 

_Maybe... I wouldn't mind being covered in dirt and blood for just a bit longer..._

She rested her head on his chest as the two of them enjoyed the view given to them by the half-domed complex. Her eyes fluttered and she relaxed.   
"Hey, don't fall asleep standing up, sweetheart!" Han whispered. 

They took the elevator up and Leia palmed open the apartment door on the third try. The dirt and blood covering her hands had made it extremely difficult for the lock to get a good reading. 

"Come on, flyboy, let's clean up. I need to check your wounds, too." She pulled him along to the bathroom and waited as they both took their bloodied clothing off. She carefully undid the pressure wrap and looked at the still fresh wound. 

Leia's stomach churned in the slightest. She wasn't sure if it was her worry for Han causing her to be so nauseous or the pregnancy.

She examined the blaster wound carefully. Bruising surrounded it, dried blood caked onto it. The stitches seemed to be intact. 

_Heh... That looks like shit. Maybe it'll look better after the shower? What am I supposed to tell him?_

"It will be okay in a few weeks. There are some pain pills in the cabinet if you need them." She tossed the wrap into the garbage and told him he could take a shower first. He looked at her odd posture and tensed muscles. She was not the starry-eyed princess of a few minutes before.

Not only was there still a bruise running along most of her spine, but there were also large scrapes on her legs, her hands were shaking, and she looked absolutely paled. Practically blue. 

"Leia, you... aren't you going to see a doctor? Your entire spine is bruised! You-" 

_Please? For me? Please, let this be nothing serious._

"I will be fine, Han. You are much more injured than I am." She cut him off matter-of-factly. "Leia, it's not the same! I'm not-" She looked at him, her face adorned with dirt and blood as before, the only difference being his handprints on her cheeks. "I am fine. Get in the refresher. Now." He grabbed a towel and began his shower. 

Leia let the blood-stained clothes soak in the sink, adding chemicals that were made for cloth pads. 

_Blood is blood, right?_

She intently watched the blood being sapped from the clothing, occasionally dipping her hands in the icy water to scrub at the tough spots. Some droplets fell onto the vanity as she went to dry her hands.

_Look at all of these brown-red droplets! Blood is so amazing._

She stepped on Han's discarded belt buckle and sent searing pain up her back. Leia tightly held the vanity, feeling only excruciating pain and the coolness of the stone. 

_You are fine. Just wait for it to pass. You should have known the belt was still on the floor..._

She heard Han turn the water off and she stood up straight. She walked as quickly as possible into the refresher, avoiding him as she grabbed a towel. He would instantly become protective if he knew.

She could not have him helping her right now, not with his injury. She couldn't have him worrying right now, he needed rest. She turned the water temperature as high as it would go, attempting to get some relief. It was no use. 

_That goddamned nerf-herder put a safety control on the water heater after I got pregnant._

Han put the clothes in the washer and cleaned the counter as Leia bathed. Blood droplets dotted the vanity, sending Han's brain into overdrive. 

_Was this my blood or her blood? Or both, perhaps? Oh, I hope she didn't lose the pregnancy helping me. Is that why she is avoiding me?_

"Leia!" Han panicked. "Yes, Han? What's wrong? Did the stitches come undone?" She remained facing the shower wall, resting a leg on the bench. Han turned to look at her through the clear refresher doors right as she went to her wring her hair out. A dilute red color poured down her bruised back with each twist. 

_That is horrifying._

He admired her handiwork in the mirror, turning away from her. "No. You did a great job on the stitches," Han paused for a moment, considering if he should even ask. "Sweetheart, I am sorry I am asking you this,"

He wiped the fog from the mirror as he paused. "Out with it, Han. You know I get anxious when you do that!" Leia rinsed herself off again, causing herself more pain. "Did you lose the pregnancy?" He finally asked. 

_As shocking as it is, I didn't..._

Leia got out of the refresher and dried off, wrapping the towel around her waist. She held his head and kissed him sweetly. "Nope. All is good, Han. I would have told you if I had." Han relaxed and kissed her in return. 

"Then what is all this blood from, Leia?" He questioned. "Mostly your wound." 

_"Mostly?!?"_ His eyes went wide as he waited for an explanation that never came. She simply turned and walked away.

He watched her leave for the bedroom, wisps of steam floating off of her body. Her long hair was still soaking wet, and stuck to her back. 

********

"So, Leia, what happened after I was shot?" Han asked while gently rubbing her back. She winced as he hit a tender spot. "Sorry." She sighed and began explaining, her voice slightly quieter through the blanket she cuddled near her face.

"I decapitated them with my lightsaber." Han froze for a moment and moved his hands off of her. He looked at her small body, slightly swollen abdomen, and bruised back. Her body that, despite its appearance, was strong. She had more strength and willpower than anyone he had ever met. 

He was impressed and worried _at the same time._ Strong feelings of pride, awe, and love ran through him, stopping just short of his mouth.

"The pregnant Princess Leia Organa actually decapitated someone, huh." He whispered. "The annoying smuggler Han Solo hasn't been murdered by that princess yet, huh." She mimicked his tone with a sharp edge.

"Sweetheart-" he looked down at Leia, who was glaring at him. He grinned and sighed. "I love you, my strong princess." She relaxed and smiled. "I know, my scruffy smuggler." 

He began rubbing her back again, sending bits of pain up her spine. At times, she could even feel her heartbeat along the bruise. 

_I doubt it has anything to do with the baby, but it still makes me nervous._

She closed her eyes and imagined being wrapped in a soft quilt, gentle pressure surrounding her. Han could lay beside her, hold her, or play with her hair. Whisper in his deep, yet sweet, voice about how he would love her forever and always. 

Leia drifted off to sleep as Han continued massaging her back gently. 

_Leia, I am so sorry I took you into that mess._

He wished he could carry her to a doctor, just to make sure she was okay.

_Your whole body must ache, I cannot imagine the pain you are in right now._

********

"I see you met one of my friends, Organa. It is a shame you two didn't get along." Leia's eyes flashed with rage, her hands balled up. "What the fuck do you want this time-" She paused, realizing she had no idea what to call the voice. It had never given her its name.

"If we are going to do this back-and-forth, could you at least tell me your name?" 

"Snoke." The deep and raspy voice echoed through the void. Leia almost giggled. 

_What kind of a name is that? No wonder this guy is such an asshole._

"And what the fuck do you want, Snoke?" She said, working past the giggly stage of a few moments prior. "I either want your child as mine or the three of you dead. I tell you this all the time. I think you know damn well what I want at this point."

_It's true. I did already know what it wanted. I just like to be an ass sometimes._

"Well, you won't get either fuck-o." She responded, her arms crossed. Snoke responded angrily. 

"Fine, Leia. I will kill you only after you watch your child and your husband die brutal deaths." She shrugged, not worried any more than she had been in the last few months. "As you can tell, I am terrified. Shaking in my boots." 

"So be it, Princess."


	9. Healing

**One Month Later**

Han ran his calloused fingers over the raised scar that now adorned his mid-abdomen. 

_Wonderful. Just wonderful._

Leia had snuck behind his back and scheduled for a medic to do a home visit that morning. The doorbell had caught him off guard, and the sight of the Emdee shocked him until the droid began to speak, explaining that "LEIA ORGANA-SOLO REQUESTED A HOME VISIT FOR HAN ORGANA-SOLO". 

He begrudgingly accepted and let the medic in, mostly because Leia had hyphenated the last names on the both of them. He found it endearing, it made him feel whole.

The feeling wore away as the droid prodded him. It removed his stitches, did a full check-up, and updated his records.

_Leia never saw a medic. Why did she make me? She needs it more._

"All else looks good, Mr. Organa-Solo. You left your stitches in too long and will have permanent markings from them. You may now lift heavy objects as you used to." The medical droid rolled itself out of the apartment and left Han in the bathroom.

He looked in the mirror one last time, poking the still pink new skin. A smile formed on his lips as warm energy began to flow through his chest. 

_Thank you, Princess._

He buttoned his shirt back up quickly when the bedroom door creaked open. "Who in the worlds would be here now?" He mumbled to himself as he listened to the footsteps.

_Ah. Just Leia. She lives here, duh._

"Han? I know you are in here." Han walked out of the bathroom and picked her up, hugging her tightly. "Did the doctor give you the go ahead to lift cargo again?" She asked, her voice all but silenced by his shirt. 

"Yes, but I don't consider you cargo." Han responded. "Anymore!" Leia added.

She laughed and jumped out of his arms, landing with a booming thud loud enough to scare Han. 

Completely unfazed, she turned around and looked back at him, her dark eyes reflecting the bathroom lights. "Let's celebrate!" Han leaned in to kiss her but she was gone. 

"Leia? Organa? I thought you meant-" 

She ran back in, drifting to a stop in front of him. "MARKERS, HAN! Do you know how difficult it was to find these to buy?" She exclaimed, brandishing the clear plastic pack. "Leia, that would be because nobody uses paper any-" He stopped as she took her shirt off and unbuttoned his shirt.

_I am receiving mixed messages..._

"This is going to be awesome." She stared wide-eyed at the scars and markings that covered the both of them. Han finally connected the dots. "You mean we are coloring on _ourselves_ Leia?" He questioned her.

They sat on the bed and she dumped out all of the markers between them. "Now lay down, Han. I can't draw very well with you sitting up." He sighed and laid down. 

He opened his mouth to make a snide comment but stopped as he caught a glimpse of Leia.

She looked genuinely _happy_. 

Leia drew swirls and dots in a rainbow of colors, accentuating his new scar and his freckles and every other marking she found. She drew the Falcon soaring through the outer rim territories. She drew Chewbacca shooting a bow-caster at Boba Fett. 

Han laid still for at least an hour while she kept adding to her design, seemingly in a trance. At one point, she had moved on to "dyeing" his body hair with the markers.

"Okay, Leia. My turn." He sat up and began picking up markers. She jumped a bit, her hyper-focus broken by the noise and movement. "Leia, come on." He patted the bed. She laid down on her back and snuggled into her soft blanket. "Okay Han, color away."

Han began at the scar on her chest, drawing a purple lightsaber over it, surrounded by green hearts. He drew little x-wings around her freckles. He dotted the newly formed petechiae spots with small rebel star-birds of the same hue. 

_Dang. This is fun. I haven't used actual pens or markers in forever. Never used them on a human or living thing before at all._

When he stopped for a second, he noticed the small bump. It radiated warmth and caused Han's face and arms to blush with the sudden feeling of overwhelming love and adoration. His thoughts raced, filling his mind with surprisingly innocent wishes.

_She is beautiful. I love her more than anything in all the worlds. I want nothing more that hold and kiss her for the rest of my life..._

He drew hearts and flowers, enjoying each moment his hand rested on her abdomen. Silently thanking her for everything she had ever done for him. For anybody. The entire galaxy loved her and he did, too. "Okay, done. You can look now!" 

She sat up. "It's beautiful! The lightsaber is a nice touch and the battle scene is exquisite. You didn't dye any of my hair though. I'm going to have to give you a 9 out of 10." Han grinned and playfully knocked her shoulder back. She grabbed his ears and kissed him. 

"Thank you, Han. I love you, I think you are perfect and beautiful. You mean the galaxy to me," She sat back down. "I am sorry that I listened to your thoughts, it was not intentional. I felt very connected to you and it just happened." 

She expected him to be upset, she knew he hated showing that he cared for anything. Instead, he smiled and tilted his head, forming new thoughts for her to listen to.

"Can you hear them right now?" Han asked, staring intently at her expression. Leia focused for a moment, finding his thoughts once more. Her face instantly flushed as the thoughts came into view. 

He was daydreaming about her. "Yeah, I can. It is super flattering. You-" She blushed again as the scene changed. "What about that, Princess?" After gaining her composure, she responded. "I hope that Luke can't hear my thoughts right now, to say the least." 

"Perfect. Then, I wish I could read your thoughts. Would they be equally as flattering? Or, am I just a side thing you have going on?" She grinned. "Side thing, definitely. Princesses don't marry scoundrels." She brushed off her arms and crossed them defiantly. 

Han pulled her over onto his lap. "Smartass." He held the back of her head and waited for her response, not feeling any need to be in control anymore. She kissed him and laid against his chest.

She ran her hands up and down his chest slowly. Listened to his heartbeat. 

After a few minutes, Han looked down and found her asleep, her head gently leaning forward. He pulled the blanket over the both of them and laid down, not moving Leia. After all, she weighted practically nothing.

He fell asleep, calmed by her smooth skin, weight, and body heat.


	10. Mon

**The Next Morning**

Leia woke up to the sound of the chrono. "Han, we have to get up now." She yawned. "I was already up. You shake terribly when you have nightmares, Leia." She blushed, propping herself up with her hands. To her surprise, she was on his chest still. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." She rolled out of bed and put on her work clothes in the powder room. Han walked in and got dressed as well. "Leia, I made you a medic appointment for this morning." 

_Who the fuck does he think he is? I am an adult!_

"WHAT?!?" She turned to him with her eyes wide, holding her toothbrush in one hand. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I DON'T NEED A CHECK-UP!" She fumed and rinsed her mouth. "Yes, you do. You haven't gone in almost three months, Leia. I am going with you, it will be okay." 

_The fuck it will. They'll poke and prod and inject me with stuff and everything else._

Leia ignored him and angrily twisted her hair into a crown of braids. "Leia," Han tried to put a hand on her shoulder but was knocked back as she forcefully flung her right elbow towards him.

She pulled open a Bobbi Pin with her teeth and tucked in the ends of the braids, forming a seamless circle.

********

The medic released them and they walked back to the main hallway. "You realize you have made me late for a meeting, Han, right?" She glared at him, still upset about the whole situation. "Aren't you happy in the slightest that everything is going well?" Han sighed. 

"I already knew all of the things we were told. I know about the Rh shots and everything." She continued walking away from him. "Leia, wait." She stopped and turned around. She was almost instantly crushed by the hurt look on his face. 

"Han," She walked back over to him and took him into an empty corridor. She sighed and shook her head. Her eyes closed as she steadied her breathing and began explaining herself. 

********

Leia was going to be yelled at. She'd barely make it in time for the meeting if she ran from here. She was not going to run from here, for many reasons. Dare she list them? 

_First, these shoes. Second, People would question me the whole way. Third, why the fuck would I run unless I was in harm's way? Fourth..._

********

"Where the seven hells have you been?After this meeting, I want you in my office immediately, Organa." Mon harshly whispered to Leia, who was just now sitting down. Others around them nodded in approval of the current speaker, acting as if they hadn't heard Mon. 

********

The click of Leia's boots stopped as she walked into the carpeted office of Mon Mothma. Instead of the scornful look Leia had imagined Mon wearing, she had the look of genuine concern. 

_The reprimand had simply been a show for the others._

Mon closed the door and sat down, motioning for Leia to do the same.

"Leia, you know I have to ask why you have been late multiple times lately and why you are behind on data." Leia shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I am sorry about my work lately, Mon. I promise I am working overtime to get caught up." 

"Why has it gotten behind, Leia? Is everything okay? Are you and Han okay?" Mon's voice was borderline sympathetic. "Everything is okay with Han and I, Mon. I am only having some personal problems."

Mon stared at Leia, trying to read into the explanation. "Leia, honestly, I am just ecstatic that your reason wasn't that you were doing secret side missions again," she sighed. "Just tell me when you need to work from home for a day or adjust your schedule." 

"Okay, Mon. Thank you. I-" She paused as every bit of diplomatic training seemed to disappear from her memory. For lack of a better way of saying it, she just blurted it out. "I am pregnant." Mon stared at her for a moment.

_She has ignored protocol again. Gone on dangerous missions like this?_

"Leia, congratulations! I do assume you know you have ignored safety protocol." Mon responded. "Of course I know. I will not be doing my work any differently just because of this." 

"As you wish, Leia. Thank you for telling me." Mon opened the door again. Leia feared that the others might have heard. What if they had heard?


End file.
